Some would say it’s a controversial topic…

I was raised in a society that believed homosexuality is a sin. There are many entertainment outlets that shows parents disowning their children because they told them they were homosexual. These stories made me afraid to possibly find out I was a lesbian. It wasn’t that I thought my family would stop loving me, it was just the stories that I heard from others.

I’m not a lesbian…but the fact that stories from society and entertainment made me feel that way, is not cool.

It wasn’t until I was in middle school when “All the things she said” by Tatu came out that I, personally, felt it would be okay if I ‘turned out’ to be homosexual. Obviously I didn’t know that it was something you were born with, and thought sexual orientation was a choice, but I grew out of that.

When I started to realize that sexual orientation was not a choice, but something you were born with I wondered why God would give innocent children something that would make them hated. There were two options:

  1. There is no God
  2. His words were misinterpreted

And then there’s the third option with the devil and shit like that…which in my mind doesn’t make sense because people are born pure. So…I believe in the second one.

I also started to think about it in a biological standpoint. Animals are made to procreate. An animal that is infertile balances out the population, along with the food chain. The thing that differentiates humans from animals is that some animals eat their young who are sick, or are being eaten by other animals. Humans tend to not be near animals that could eat them, so there is a high chance that we will over-populate the world. While infertility can fix that problem, there’s another problem about being human.

Orphans.

These are children who lost their parents. How they lost their parents is completely different for each individual. They are waiting for a family, and unfortunately many people cannot help these children because of their own families, or they don’t have the resources available. Also…people want their own babies, and then they have so much on their plate that they can’t mentally, emotionally, economically support another child.

When I was a child I always prayed that orphans would find a home, and I think God answered that prayer by putting homosexuality in this world.

People who are attracted to their own sex/gender cannot biologically have children. So if they want children the basic thing they need to do …is adopt. I believe that’s the reason it’s in a person’s genes. That is the answer to my prayers as a child, and I wish people could realize this.

Of course science makes it difficult to see because they create a way for anyone to pass on their own genetics…but science does that.

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Conversations

Earlier today I had a discussion with a friend. It was a really stupid one where we both felt defensive over our play styles over a particular video game character. He ended up being right about the argument, and then I told him that I was wrong. This is how arguments should go…

But people tend to believe I won’t admit I’m wrong. I find arguing to be one of the best ways to have a conversation, unfortunately. I’ve noticed that the only way to be heard, for me, is to get the person heated up enough to actually argue with me. I’m not saying a full on yelling match or anything but to actually have a conversation with differing opinions. This allows both of the parties to see different perspectives.

What sucks is when I understand their perspective completely, but because I’m arguing a different point…they think I don’t understand it. Then they go on to explain themselves five hundred different times without even considering my point of view. That…is when arguing is painful.

I get this a lot because I am always the person who tries to understand the opposite perspective, even when I don’t agree with them.

We take people who are trying to understand another side and tell them they are evil, corrupt or not understanding. We have an ‘us’ vs. ‘them’ mentality and no one can seem to get out of it because so few people are trying to understand the other perspective.

The only way to really get someone to change is to understand why they believe that way in the first place. The only way to find an even ground is to find the middle ground by understanding both sides. It’s not going to work if we keep arguing our own points over and over again. It’s not going to  work if we stop listening to someone that we don’t agree with. We are just going to keep looping around the same hole and falling in.

That’s why history repeats itself. It’s not because of some cosmic force, but because we don’t try and understand the other perspective. We don’t try to get out of the ‘us’ vs. ‘them’ even though we think we do. Instead we stab at certain ideologies that we do not agree with in order to make life better.

Also, the reason why I say we is because we are society. Each individual is a part of the society as a whole, and if we keep allowing people to stay in their corners and not try and understand each other – then we will never change.

We can’t say that arguments are stupid because they are about stupid things. We have to understand that constructive arguments are there to understand differing perspectives. You remember what Neil Armstrong said?

“A small step for man, a giant leap for mankind” …that doesn’t just have to be about space.

Games of life, or not.

If you think about it everything in life is a game. Our aim is to achieve our full potential until we finish the game of life. We can fail numerous times but as long as we enjoy it we are going to keep going. As long as it doesn’t destroy our spirits and make us not want to play anymore – we are going to try and get better each and every day.

Except for trolls…those people are dicks.

I’m writing this because my life is full of games right now. Literally I have been spending most of my day playing video games today and ignoring everything around me. It’s quick affirmation that I am finishing something. I have so much that in the air that will take a while to finish, or maybe will never finish. It’s hard to recognize the small things that you can finish every single day. These things become repetition and there is little external affirmation.

I noticed that I am starting to ramble so I don’t know where I am going with this. This is just a little blog that I wanted to write to get it off my chest. A blog that tells me how games can be helpful to the mental state of a person. Those small goals of a video game can help you recognize the small goals of everyday life.

Though it would really help if I learned moderation….obsession begets addiction? Or does addiction beget obsession?

Rejection

Rejection is a common occurrence because everyone experiences it. There are some people who are able to deal with rejection as easily as dealing with eating a piece of pie, but it takes a lot out of others. People are told to just ‘brush it off’ and ‘let it go’, but sometimes a person cannot get over it enough to move on from the rejection. It takes a month or so to get over that hurdle and go forward in you plans. I couldn’t fathom how actors can get rejected so often and still have the motivation to find another project. Even with passion that negative feeling weighs on a person.

I guess the way I handle it is like how I handle anxiety.  Anxiety is something that I feel on a daily basis and I am able to function with it. I am able to breathe through it and found objects that can help me if need be. I may be swimming through quicksand, but I can always get myself out of it.

So that’s how I can handle rejection. It’s external anxiety that will happen on a regular basis. I will be rejected by employers who I really want to work for and have for a long time. I will be rejected from men who I really want to date, and probably more often than I’d like. I will be rejected from schools that I really want to attend. Understanding that this will happen can make me more appreciative when it doesn’t.

Just like understanding that anxiety will happen will make me more appreciative of myself handling it.

 

I’m white, but not racist

I imagine this title will make people assume I am racist. I have been told many times in my life that if I say this then I will be deemed a racist, and I believed them. I was taught that my white privilege made it so I, basically, could never understand any other culture. There are many things that I cannot do or say as a white person without being considered ignorant, arrogant or racist.

For example, one of my male friends said that they were the problem because they were a ‘white cisgender male’. I said that this doesn’t make them a problem. It’s about the person rather than the race. A response I got was that I was ignorant to colored people’s plights and didn’t understand how white men respond to other races.

The problem I have with this is that they aren’t all white people.

Society is putting race against race, gender against gender, culture against culture, instead of allowing us to be together. To recognize that there are racists but they are not the majority, and they are not the beloved. They are hated by most people, or at least that’s what I see.

I see white people hating their race because of history. White people who wish they were born with different skin tone because of said history. White people who can’t mention race in public, even if it’s the easiest way to describe people, because they think it’s racist. While this is nothing compared to what people of color deal with everyday, I think it’s important to recognize.

This could be why racism still exists.