Rejection

Rejection is a common occurrence because everyone experiences it. There are some people who are able to deal with rejection as easily as dealing with eating a piece of pie, but it takes a lot out of others. People are told to just ‘brush it off’ and ‘let it go’, but sometimes a person cannot get over it enough to move on from the rejection. It takes a month or so to get over that hurdle and go forward in you plans. I couldn’t fathom how actors can get rejected so often and still have the motivation to find another project. Even with passion that negative feeling weighs on a person.

I guess the way I handle it is like how I handle anxiety.  Anxiety is something that I feel on a daily basis and I am able to function with it. I am able to breathe through it and found objects that can help me if need be. I may be swimming through quicksand, but I can always get myself out of it.

So that’s how I can handle rejection. It’s external anxiety that will happen on a regular basis. I will be rejected by employers who I really want to work for and have for a long time. I will be rejected from men who I really want to date, and probably more often than I’d like. I will be rejected from schools that I really want to attend. Understanding that this will happen can make me more appreciative when it doesn’t.

Just like understanding that anxiety will happen will make me more appreciative of myself handling it.

 

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Revving up motivation

This is the beginning of a new era and the start of something that I have wanted to do for my entire life. It’s a crappy start for a beginning, but at least I’m trying it. Ever since I was a young girl I believed that diaries and thoughts were meant to be expressed. I was upset when I found out my mother respected my privacy and didn’t try to read my diary.  I didn’t keep a diary for much longer after that.

Honestly it wasn’t until I was in middle school that my inner thoughts became a problem. for once someone read my thoughts, and ironically I said something bad about them. It was a thrilling and painful experience. it made me want to write to the world and also keep my thoughts inside myself. The random thoughts of a middle school child isn’t something that someone wants to hear, and therefore I kept them inside.

I kept them inside for a majority of years. Sometimes I would rant and rave at my family or friends. Occasionally (not so occasional)  I would have a breakdown because I wasn’t able to express myself. You know the regular thing that happens to a teenager. The emotional regulation that I didn’t have because my neurotransmitters were moving around like a highway.

There was also something else that affected my brain. This was the fact that I had depression and anxiety. Something that I have always, and will always, deal with in my life. I’ve noticed in the past few years that the lack of motivation is a constant symptom of depression. This lack of motivation manifests itself in not doing what I’ve always wanted to do in my life: write.