Money is life?

Money has always been a sore subject for many people. There are people who wish to have it, those who need it, and those who have too much of it. Each of these categories seem to not understand the stresses of the others, because how can someone understand a certain stress if they do not experience it themselves?

I’m the type of person who has been in all three categories, however I had been told that I’m on the the “those who wish to have it” category most of my life. One of my old friends told me that I couldn’t understand her because I was never poor and she was. Another old friend said that I got everything I wanted because, essentially, I was in a rich family.

The thing was…I wasn’t really. When I was younger my mother was on the poverty line and she was getting child support. The things that I wanted to get were not expensive, because I rarely asked for expensive things until I was a teenager…I got what I wanted, and was given amazing clothes for christmas, but I was never rich. We lived in a comfortable environment…and that’s it.

Money is not life….money is a way to exist in society. Money is a way to barter with people – but you don’t always know what a person is actually experiencing until you get to know them. A person can understand poverty even though they appear to be rich, because they may have been in it as a child. A person can understand being rich even though they are homeless. Don’t judge a book by it’s cover and please stop using money as a way to measure life and happiness.


Word Sounds

I told my friend about this blog and he said he wanted me to write about words. Specifically words like Moist, Succulent and Salivate. These are words that he enjoys saying and hearing, but many people do not enjoy the sound.

I feel similar to the masses…I do not like the way Moist and Succulent sound, or the way it’s being said in my mouth. I think I understand why many people dislike the word Moist…possibly because it sounds like it’s definition. Is it really the way the letters sound, or is it because we don’t like the feeling of it when we’re describing and object?

So…I looked up rhymes. I found that Joist and Foist gave me a weird feeling in my mouth, but Hoist, Rejoiced and Voiced do not.  However…none of them make me feel weird and make me want to wince for saying it. So…I believe that it might be the definition that is causing the reaction rather than the actual ways it’s being said.

Then we have words like Succulent. Again in the definition of the word we see “moist and tasty” or “Juicy”. Personally I haven’t heard the word that often, except when an evil character in a movie was saying that something was just so succulent. You know…being manipulatively nice. So, the reason I dislike that word is because of who used it. The fictional characters that gave me the creeps, and so now I make that connection. Wince city.

The brain is wired from individual experiences, memories, and genes. Through our experiences we create responses to something and we might not even understand why, until we sit down and think about it. The way that words sound could be because of our memories, and the association we have with that word.

I think that would be way cooler than anything else.



The first thing that I think when I hear the word “Dreams” is when I sleep. The dreams that explain my week, and can give me insight on my life. But these aren’t the dreams I should be focusing on…I should be focusing on other definition of dreams. Where I want to go in my life, and what I want to be. Those are the dreams I need to follow, but these dreams require more than just myself.

There are two major things I’ve always wanted to be in my life: An Author and A Mother. The mother part is easier but I wanted to be a young mother. Someone who had her first child at 19 or 20…but that didn’t happen. Now I’m in a part of my life where I feel I’m getting to old to be a mother, or that if it hasn’t happened now…then it won’t happen. Also, there is a thing about needing to find that man, or $30,000, to get pregnant.

The second one is easier to do by myself. A few years ago I went to a therapist because I need to learn to become motivated. One of the things she asked me was “How do we know when we’re done?” I responded with when I was able to write a novel. I was unable to afford the sessions after a while, because my insurance was gone, but I did learn a lot from it. I think one of the things I learned is how much I wanted to write for a living.

I remember as a child writing silly stories about a flower, and having an idea about a woman falling in love with her servant – but history made it difficult to be together. I had ideas in my head for years, and stories about all of these different people and places. At the same time I was having these stories I was getting told how difficult it would be to become a writer. How people will reject you over and over again, and it’s better to find a backup plan.  I was also told that I shouldn’t major in English by my guidance counselor while my Spanish teacher told me I should become a writer. That was confusing for a high schooler…and made me re-consider my dream.

Finding that backup plan became the rest of my life. I wanted to be a teacher, midwife, youtuber, veterinarian…etc. etc. I would still write on the sidelines, but it never became full time. My motivation was to find a foundation for the mother I wanted to be. To find a job that I semi-liked in order to find a man that would get me my first dream. Every couple of times a year I would start to realize how sad I was, and how I wasn’t focusing on what I really wanted to do…and write. Then I would go back to my backup plan, because it was so hard to see the future.

It’s scary to follow those dreams that are not always stable. Those dreams that need other people to make it happen. A writer needs an audience to get anywhere and the only way to do that is through patience, motivation, determination, and doing it all even though there will be rejection and negativity. I’m getting there…again.

Starting Over

Today I got the urge to start over. To get as much as I could possibly get…new car, mattress, computer…I also got the urge to travel for a bit, and just experience new things. It’s not that I’m bored, or hate, my life – it’s just that need for a new experience.

The problem is that I don’t have the money. I know the potential for the money, and I know that if I really want something then I shouldn’t let money stop me, but I should always have back up for a rainy day.

I wonder if this feeling is the reason many people can’t stay rich. If they don’t need to worry about money, so they don’t. Maybe it’s a good thing to worry about it in order to make sure you have it later on.

But…I do wish I had a way to make money remotely. I have a friend who is the envy of most, because she is able to travel and work. This is something I really wish I could do, but it takes a motivation that I can’t grasp. Watching her experiences and knowing she is okay is so inspiring. I know that I can learn from her, and I’m glad she’s doing this for herself.

I know what to do, just gotta reset and start over. Everyday is a new day, and the potential for something amazing.

Some would say it’s a controversial topic…

I was raised in a society that believed homosexuality is a sin. There are many entertainment outlets that shows parents disowning their children because they told them they were homosexual. These stories made me afraid to possibly find out I was a lesbian. It wasn’t that I thought my family would stop loving me, it was just the stories that I heard from others.

I’m not a lesbian…but the fact that stories from society and entertainment made me feel that way, is not cool.

It wasn’t until I was in middle school when “All the things she said” by Tatu came out that I, personally, felt it would be okay if I ‘turned out’ to be homosexual. Obviously I didn’t know that it was something you were born with, and thought sexual orientation was a choice, but I grew out of that.

When I started to realize that sexual orientation was not a choice, but something you were born with I wondered why God would give innocent children something that would make them hated. There were two options:

  1. There is no God
  2. His words were misinterpreted

And then there’s the third option with the devil and shit like that…which in my mind doesn’t make sense because people are born pure. So…I believe in the second one.

I also started to think about it in a biological standpoint. Animals are made to procreate. An animal that is infertile balances out the population, along with the food chain. The thing that differentiates humans from animals is that some animals eat their young who are sick, or are being eaten by other animals. Humans tend to not be near animals that could eat them, so there is a high chance that we will over-populate the world. While infertility can fix that problem, there’s another problem about being human.


These are children who lost their parents. How they lost their parents is completely different for each individual. They are waiting for a family, and unfortunately many people cannot help these children because of their own families, or they don’t have the resources available. Also…people want their own babies, and then they have so much on their plate that they can’t mentally, emotionally, economically support another child.

When I was a child I always prayed that orphans would find a home, and I think God answered that prayer by putting homosexuality in this world.

People who are attracted to their own sex/gender cannot biologically have children. So if they want children the basic thing they need to do …is adopt. I believe that’s the reason it’s in a person’s genes. That is the answer to my prayers as a child, and I wish people could realize this.

Of course science makes it difficult to see because they create a way for anyone to pass on their own genetics…but science does that.