It’s me again…just sitting here existing. Honestly, I’ve been feeling down the past couple of days. This is a common occurrence for me so it probably gets annoying for people I talk to. Also, I say down because I haven’t officially been diagnosed with depression and I’m wary that I’m just adding to the overuse of the word. I’m also not saying sad because it’s more than that…it’s literally just down. That’s the best explanation without saying depressed.
I am also a bit stressed due to my graduate school work, but it’s my fault for waiting so long to finish it. Every thought that I have is my fault because I put it on myself – and then it makes me feel more down because I wasn’t mentally healthy. A cycle of emotional thoughts that makes it almost impossible to get out of. Anxiety is a bitch that you sometimes need to dig yourself out of for years, and each time there is a chance for concrete. It’s when you only get concrete and you don’t have a sledgehammer to drill that it becomes unbearable.
Rigth now, I feel like I continuously dig around that piece of rock, and get out of it, just to find another rock. I need a drill -but how does one get one? There are some people that are able to just….walk through life and leave their emotions for the night before they sleep. Their dreams are the things that emotionally regulate them.
Or maybe…there isn’t really anyone like that. Maybe everyone is just ready for a nap.